Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
