ADVERTISEMENT

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...

  Fav 15 2539 1228

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.

  Fav 67 3125 773

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (678): View more from Georgia

  Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.

  Fav 9 951 3559

  share tweet
  

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.

  Fav 9 4878 1328

  share tweet
  

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

  Fav 43 8074 1916

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit

  Fav 8 4804 1294

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?

  Fav 17 1952 4744

  share tweet
  

• (504): View more from Louisiana

  my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt

  Fav 25 1226 1677

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB

  Fav 5 2204 1074

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.

  Fav 3 1273 659

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.

  (315): View more from New York

  Who is this?!????

  (518): View more from New York

  That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.

  Fav 7 3659 841

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (519): View more from Ontario

  sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...

  Fav 0 882 504

  share tweet
  

• (806): View more from Texas

  And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.

  Fav 0 28 4

  share tweet
  

• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...

  Fav 0 37 5

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.

  Fav 0 55 5

  share tweet
  

Randomize