how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
