I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
