I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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