Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
