Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
