he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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