I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
