I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
