My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
How naked do you want me to be?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
