if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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