THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
