Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
this is an emotional support booty call
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize