guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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