I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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