i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
