things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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