First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
