we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
