I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
