I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
