youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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