Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
