He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
