you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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