we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
