did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What a dumb baby whore.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
