You can't motorboat a personality
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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