grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
