He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize