She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
