just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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