You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
