i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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