I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My pussy is not your playground.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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