He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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