then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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