so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
