'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
