You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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