he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize