Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
