The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
