Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
