It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize