just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
