Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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