Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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