Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
