ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
it was like eating out sand paper
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
