I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
