grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
