Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
