i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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