Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
