He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's intense
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
