The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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