its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
