shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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