he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
