As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was like eating out sand paper
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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