Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
