I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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