one two three fourrrrnication!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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