im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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