just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
