at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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