i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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