last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Is Oprah even human
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
