I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
