Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
