When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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