I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
