she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
birth control should be required to get into college
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
