Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize