Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
