somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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