I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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