i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
