You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
