On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So much rum. So many feels.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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