she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
