Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
