You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize