my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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