I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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