Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
