I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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