so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
