So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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