Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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