sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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