haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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