We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
