When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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